Today’s post comes courtesy of Evolve and Sneak, two of our expert coaches at Stylelife. If you want more sage advice, visit Stylelife at any time. Enjoy…
As you know from your Stylelife lessons, the best way to prove your value, intelligence, and exquisitely exciting personality is through demonstrations of higher value (DHV). Let’s say you’re in a nightclub and you utilize a routine like Style’s EV. That discussion with a woman is dramatically different than what every other guy blabs about his job, or his fantasy football team, or his car. That discussion shows you’re intelligent and interested in learning about people on a deep and intimate level. It also shows that you’re adaptable as you engage with her responses. It hits all the highly desirable traits. (You DO know Style’s EV, don’t you? Check the Stylelife forums if you don’t.)
So DHVs are vital to your social success. Let’s look at another scientifically proven factor.
2010 research published in the Journal of Evolution and Human Behavior illustrates the importance of “mate copying.” The article states, “By focusing on individuals who have been previously chosen by others, one’s selection of mates can be influenced by another’s successful search.” In this instance, 80 college students were shown potential dates along with information about how other people viewed that potential date. So, for example, a woman was shown a photo of some guy with a goatee named Bob and explicit information for how other women had rated that pic. They rated their interest on a scale of 1 to 9 (nine was the high score, recorded as “very interested”). Interest was gauged on a gamut of points, ranging from someone you’d want to have a relationship with to someone you’d want to hook up with in a one-night stand.
The research found that humans functioned like many other members of the animal kingdom and gave higher interest scores to those photos that others had found desirable. “By focusing on individuals who have been previously chosen by others, one’s selection of mates can be influenced by another’s successful search,” the researchers wrote.
To maximize your mate copying potential, you can insert a simple sentence into your DHV. All you have to do is say, “I was dating someone and we…” then fill in the blank about an adventure. It could be about sky diving, about a painting class, anything. But refer to a past girlfriend to show that you have shared this experience with another woman.
(It goes without saying that you don’t want to drone on about a previous girlfriend when you’re meeting someone new. Don’t be that guy who can’t get over the girl who dumped him in high school. But select references here and there can go a long way towards leveraging this mate copying concept.)
Now let me ask you some questions, and I’d like you to be really honest with yourself:
1) How many openers do you know?
2) How many openers do you employ in the field on a regular basis?
If you copped to using more than two openers in the field regularly, then you’re focusing on the wrong thing. It’s a common problem. Openers are fun and they’re easy to accumulate. Many people who are new to the game collect openers like baseball cards, bragging about their limitless library of openers.
But the most successful social artists only use one or two openers. That’s because the opener itself — if delivered properly — doesn’t really matter. All an opener is meant to do is generate a conversation. That’s it. No mas. An opener doesn’t get a phone number, it doesn’t cause a woman to run away with you to Bora Bora, it doesn’t reveal your soulmate. It starts a conversation, that’s all. Otherwise, it has no impact.
However, as the scientific publications we’ve examined in this email, demonstrations of higher value and pre-selection in the form of mate copying DOES have a proven impact on success with mates, regardless of culture or other variabilities. Focus on those items in your conversations with women, instead of just stockpiling openers. You’ll scientifically have much more success.
If you enjoyed this article, there is plenty more from our expert coaches at Stylelife
The post Why DHVs Matter More Than The Opener appeared first on Neil Strauss.
